I've returned to work -- a new position in a totally different setting. Where I was previously in a very public-facing, public servant type of position, now I am in a closed, corporate setting. It is a relief to have no external customers with whom I must interact. I am learning a whole new job, and it will take at least a few more days or weeks to really get the hang of it. I'm happy to be working again, and contributing to the household income, but I'm sad, because I feel like I see less of X than I did when I was at my old job, which might not actually be true. I guess it's just hard adjusting to being away from him after having two months at home with him.
Last night, at bedtime, I held him until he fell asleep in my arms. He snuggled against me and laid his head on my chest, and his breaths became slow and even. And then, he blew a giant zerbert on my bare skin! And another one! And as I giggled, he looked up at me with his sleepy, half-closed eyes and smiled.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
Back To The Salt Mines
I've accepted a new position, and will be returning to work in two weeks. It is really bittersweet. On the one hand, we need the income -- it's that simple. On the other, it will be so hard to go back after having so much time at home with X.
Don't get me wrong: the hardest days with X (teething, grumpy, won't-take-a-nap, won't-eat-his-dinner kind of days) made me long for time away, or even just for some help. But they are days I'll never get back.
I'm second-guessing myself now, to be honest. About everything. I know that in the long run, it's just a decision that had to be made. But now that I've had a few days to adjust to the idea of going back to work, I wonder if I did it right during this time off from the 40-hour work week. Did I spend enough time with X? Did I pay enough attention? Did I bond adequately with him? Did I cuddle him enough? Did I help him learn?
How will we spend these last two weeks? Well, X has been going part-time to his sitter the entire time I've been looking for work, so that he wouldn't lose his spot and also to keep him socializing with the other children in his sitter's care. So, he has a couple more days of part time care before going back full-time in June.
We are also traveling by car to visit my husband's family in Florida. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone and having a week of beach time. Also, we will meet our new grand-niece for the first time, a tiny baby girl born on May 14th. It's the first long trip we will have done since Christmas, when X slept for pretty much the whole ride. I have a suspicion that this trip will be quite different, however we will break up the ride and stay a night in a hotel on the way there and again on the way back.
Then, back to the salt mines.
Don't get me wrong: the hardest days with X (teething, grumpy, won't-take-a-nap, won't-eat-his-dinner kind of days) made me long for time away, or even just for some help. But they are days I'll never get back.
I'm second-guessing myself now, to be honest. About everything. I know that in the long run, it's just a decision that had to be made. But now that I've had a few days to adjust to the idea of going back to work, I wonder if I did it right during this time off from the 40-hour work week. Did I spend enough time with X? Did I pay enough attention? Did I bond adequately with him? Did I cuddle him enough? Did I help him learn?
How will we spend these last two weeks? Well, X has been going part-time to his sitter the entire time I've been looking for work, so that he wouldn't lose his spot and also to keep him socializing with the other children in his sitter's care. So, he has a couple more days of part time care before going back full-time in June.
We are also traveling by car to visit my husband's family in Florida. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone and having a week of beach time. Also, we will meet our new grand-niece for the first time, a tiny baby girl born on May 14th. It's the first long trip we will have done since Christmas, when X slept for pretty much the whole ride. I have a suspicion that this trip will be quite different, however we will break up the ride and stay a night in a hotel on the way there and again on the way back.
Then, back to the salt mines.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Sleeeeeeeeepy, Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy
X was such a great sleeper the night before Mother's Day, and napped well during the day, too. It was like he was giving me the gift of his sleeping well, since that's about as much as he could do for me at 8 months old!
Then, on Sunday night, he started to cut his first tooth. I am assured that the tooth was not the actual cause of his waking up, but it may have been why he wasn't able to get himself back to sleep on his own. My husband and/or I woke up with X about every two hours that night, and ended up rocking him back to sleep each time.
This pattern persisted pretty much every night for the week. X was getting overtired, to the point that he had his first temper tantrum when a ball was taken away from him by another baby at his sitter's house. The sitter said she couldn't believe the volume and the length of the tantrum! This was a sure sign that X was not getting the sleep he needs.
On Friday, it all came to a head. My husband and I were the walking dead, X was grouchy and irritable. Heck, we were all grouchy and irritable. It was time to cry it out.
Listening to my baby cry for 30 minutes was no treat, let me tell you. My whole system was going crazy -- adrenaline pumping, heart racing. My goodness, I just HAD to go and pick him up! But, with the support of my husband, we just let X cry. And then, suddenly, the wailing stopped and X was asleep.
Today, he has napped like a champion. An hour and a half this morning, and, as I type, going on two hours this afternoon. I just put him in his crib and told him it was nap time, then left the room. Sure, he fussed for about 10 minutes each time, but eventually just went to sleep.
I think we might be on to something. Let's hope it hasn't just been a fluke!
Then, on Sunday night, he started to cut his first tooth. I am assured that the tooth was not the actual cause of his waking up, but it may have been why he wasn't able to get himself back to sleep on his own. My husband and/or I woke up with X about every two hours that night, and ended up rocking him back to sleep each time.
This pattern persisted pretty much every night for the week. X was getting overtired, to the point that he had his first temper tantrum when a ball was taken away from him by another baby at his sitter's house. The sitter said she couldn't believe the volume and the length of the tantrum! This was a sure sign that X was not getting the sleep he needs.
On Friday, it all came to a head. My husband and I were the walking dead, X was grouchy and irritable. Heck, we were all grouchy and irritable. It was time to cry it out.
Listening to my baby cry for 30 minutes was no treat, let me tell you. My whole system was going crazy -- adrenaline pumping, heart racing. My goodness, I just HAD to go and pick him up! But, with the support of my husband, we just let X cry. And then, suddenly, the wailing stopped and X was asleep.
Today, he has napped like a champion. An hour and a half this morning, and, as I type, going on two hours this afternoon. I just put him in his crib and told him it was nap time, then left the room. Sure, he fussed for about 10 minutes each time, but eventually just went to sleep.
I think we might be on to something. Let's hope it hasn't just been a fluke!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
Monkey
X is crawling! Not like your traditional hands and knees crawling, but he is mobile. He uses what I call a "monkey crawl," using two hands, one knee and one foot. And, boy is he fast! I find that the time is upon me to put away everything I don't want shredded and destroyed. Low tables are now suddenly within reach!
Yesterday, just before dinner, I stripped him down to just his diaper (which seems to be his preference now, anyway), so I could watch him moving. His little body is so amazing! His movements are not yet precise, but he is trying so hard to fine-tune his motion.
It's hard to believe that my little guy will soon be walking, shedding some of his delicious chubbiness. Maybe he will fit into those pants that are too small for his heinie (but too long for his legs!) soon, after all.
Yesterday, just before dinner, I stripped him down to just his diaper (which seems to be his preference now, anyway), so I could watch him moving. His little body is so amazing! His movements are not yet precise, but he is trying so hard to fine-tune his motion.
It's hard to believe that my little guy will soon be walking, shedding some of his delicious chubbiness. Maybe he will fit into those pants that are too small for his heinie (but too long for his legs!) soon, after all.