Planning Time

Almost two years old.

This year, we will do a birthday party with friends - since X has friends! I'm so happy to get to know all of these other small people and their moms and dads.

We have been to a few birthday parties in the last couple of weeks. Oddly, a lot of the kids X knows have birthdays near his own. I mention this by way of noting that he knows what a birthday party is now, so he will be excited for his own. And he LOVES birthday cake!

We will keep it simple - just a small party at home, grilling hot dogs and hamburgers and traditional sides. The cake is starting to take shape in my mind. I don't know that I can make a cake myself that will reflect what I hope the decorations will be, so I am guessing we will have to spend to have it made.

The scary part is that this is getting real, really quickly.  In 3 weeks I am going to be wishing my baby a happy second birthday. I need to get going on this now!

Big Boy

My X is getting so big -- almost a year old now. He is just about walking, and the proud owner of 3 pearly whites!

I can't believe how quickly it happens. One day, he was a snuggly little worm, content to lie in my arms and sleep. Now, he's all OVER the place, laughing, shrieking, playing with toys, pulling up, pulling things off of tables and counters.

I miss the baby times, but I'm looking forward to everything that's coming up.

My sweet boy -- how I love him!

Mama and X: Comedy Routines

ACT 1

Mama: Say Ma-Ma!
X: (big grin) DA-DA!

Repeat, about 35 times!

ACT 2

X stands in his playpen, a husher in his mouth and one in his hand. Mama takes the husher in his hand and puts it into her own mouth.

X giggles and pulls Mama's husher out of her mouth. Then, he puts it back in. Giggles, takes it out. Puts it back in. Giggles, takes it out...

I love that my little guy's sense of humor is starting to shine through! It makes my heart light. What a gift.

Monkey

X is crawling! Not like your traditional hands and knees crawling, but he is mobile. He uses what I call a "monkey crawl," using two hands, one knee and one foot. And, boy is he fast! I find that the time is upon me to put away everything I don't want shredded and destroyed. Low tables are now suddenly within reach!

Yesterday, just before dinner, I stripped him down to just his diaper (which seems to be his preference now, anyway), so I could watch him moving. His little body is so amazing! His movements are not yet precise, but he is trying so hard to fine-tune his motion.

It's hard to believe that my little guy will soon be walking, shedding some of his delicious chubbiness. Maybe he will fit into those pants that are too small for his heinie (but too long for his legs!) soon, after all.

There's No Place Like Home

My area was hit pretty hard by the tornadoes that went through North Carolina yesterday. My house and neighborhood, despite being in the path of the storms was totally skipped over, thank goodness!

Some of our friends have not been so lucky -- a couple I know have gone to Asheville to stay with relatives because their condo was hit head-on. Many others are without power. My husband is in Raleigh now, helping out with the effort to clear up debris in a neighborhood that was particularly hard-hit, where we have good friends.

Please send all good thoughts, prayers and karma our way. It has been devastating.

Love Letters

I have been transcribing the love letters of my husband's great-grandfather to his great-grandmother over the last few weeks, and realized as I was typing this one up, that I was doing so on the 112th anniversary of this particular letter itself.

What I find so endearing about these letters, is that they are so truly heartfelt. Glass was obviously educated, but not refined. He was about 26 years old when he courted Nellie, who was 22 at the time. She ran him around quite a bit, but this letter is one of the earliest of the bundle my mother-in-law left with us. It was the beginning of the courtship. He seems so nervous, so eager to impress, so anxious to know that his feelings are returned.

I wish that Glass had been as careful in saving Nellie's replies. I only have one side of this story, but, of course I know how it ended.

Things don't change much. I remember the same sort of nervous excitement when I first started dating my husband, and X was not even a twinkle in our eyes.

Postmark April 4, 1899

Orange Springs, Fla

April 4

Miss Nellie Lang

Ft. McCoy

Dear Miss Nellie

Please don’t think because I asked you to correspond with me that I can promise interesting letters because I fear you will be disappointed.

The weeks seem to me as though they get longer & to look forward to the Sunday coming seems an age & I think were it so I could get just a short missive from you between times it wouldn’t seem quite so long. I truly hope you won’t think I am asking to much of you when I beg for a few lines this week.

I found my way out the new road Sunday night OK & arrived home on time to attend church but felt as though I needed to sleep & soon found my self in the happy land of “nod”.

I didn’t know it was cold until I left you but I came near freezing, however it wasn’t so bad as having dreamed I was a fish & the flat woods was an Ocean.

I came near letting Mrs. Uptons axe get misplaced. You should come for it by all means this week because it wouldn’t do to loose it. Have you had anymore propositions to go driving!! Ha. Ha. Well the nickel is yours don’t forget it.

You know if I had enough cash I would propose to you that we buy a buggy on the installment plan. You furnish the money & I pay the installment & we own equal parts in the buggy. So long as you are accepting or rather getting proposals on going for a ride I’l make you this one & we can ride real lots then.

The top buggy. Gray horse & pretty girl. Your Father made inquiry of us about was Mr. Wimberly of this City & Miss Broughton. She would be considered I guess as one of Klondykes Fair Maidens as she live out from you on Citrus road about 3 miles.

Miss Nellie:: doubtless you’l be surprised when I state to you that I have not forgotten that you told me you could not give me your heart but would exchange it for mine. I know you thought I’d forget it but I didn’t – C – !!

Now you seem to think that mine is in several parts which I must admit that you have good reasons for thinking so, however let me assure you that I can easily get mine all in a lump when you can make up your mind to make the exchange.

Now Miss Nellie I feel that I am unworthy to make such an exchange with you as this; yet I beg of you to think the matter over where you can’t find any think else to think of. Then why should I wish to make such an exchange unless I could feel that I was getting something that I was unworthy of then I could feel the more proud of the exchange. This is why I can assure you that I am heart whole & fancy free & stand ready to make the exchange with you.

Now I’l tell you of the dance last eve.

I saw we couldn’t find enough young ladies to have a good dance so I proposed to take my harp & Guitar and play for them to waltz.

They were thoughtful enough to accept my proposition consequently I played until the end of my finger fell off.

The lady of the house was kind enough to play one waltz on Piano for me so I got to waltz. Just think of it only one time.

I wish you had been here Monday to help me eat Bananas. I fixed them Sunday am to take out with us on our drive Sunday aft noon & laid them & really I didn’t think of them until Monday when I saw the package tied up & an examination found it was the Bananas that belonged to you & I. I thought of you while eating them (and several times since) & ate one and a half for you.

I’l be on time Sunday, trusting that I’l have a letter from you ere that time.

I am your friend truly

W. Glass Meggs

P.S. Remember the nickle’s yours.

Hands

When X was born, his fingers were so long and slender, balled up into tight fists. His hands were so, so tiny. He must have been fascinated by his hands in utero, as he had sucking blisters when he was born. He has continued to be fascinated by hands. He quickly re-learned how to suck on his fingers and thumbs, once he was in the world. For a little while, he would almost always gag himself, putting his fingers into his mouth too fast and too deep. Now, he is an expert with his chubby little starfish hands. He is a master grasper, he can reach and grab and pinch!

He is also fascinated by everyone else's hands. He has, almost since he was born, used my hands as his favorite toy. He would reach, grab my fingers, let go, reach again. He plays with my hands as he nurses or while he is falling asleep. If I lay him down in his crib, and he is tired, but fighting the sleep, I give him my hand to use as a lovey. He grips my fingers, pushing my hand away, then drawing it near.

I wonder what he will do one day with his hands. Will he be left-handed, like my father? Will he make things with his hands? Play an instrument? Perform surgery?

I wonder what X will do when he is a little boy, a teen, an adult. How will he use his hands? The future is so far away, but so terrifyingly near. I learn this anew each day, as X masters one more skill, one more communicative nuance, one more fine finger motion. I can't wait for his future, yet I want time to stand still, to stop the clock, bind its hands. I want to hold X's hand in mine forever, but I know that soon enough I'll be waving goodbye as he makes his way into the wide world.

Bath Time

Sometimes I feel neglectful that I don't bathe X more than once a week. I worry that his skin will get too dry, and he has had little patches of very dry skin through the winter, that I slather with Aquaphor. But then, he doesn't get very dirty (yet) and he is wipe-able, after all!

X hated baths for about the first four weeks of his life. He screamed through his first bath in the hospital, when the lovely volunteer lady showed us how to do it. He SCREAMED at home, when my husband and I were brave enough to try it on our own. His agitation made me jumpy, and his anxiety fed off of my own.

Then, we watched a video by Tracy Hogg (aka The Baby Whisperer), and the bath part of the video made it all worth it. The most important thing I learned was to slow down and help X enjoy the bath.

I approached the next bath with much trepidation. I started a lullaby CD, hoping the music would set a relaxing tone. I made sure the water was the right temperature. I let X test the water with his feet before I put him in his little bath tub. I went slowly, taking my time. And, to my delight, X totally dug it. He smiled, kicked his feet, splashed his hands. He didn't cry when I poured the water over his head after washing his hair. He was quiet and alert when I wrapped him up in his towel, smiling as I rubbed his head and brushed his hair.

Even now, while his baths are so infrequent, he knows what's coming when he hears the music and the water running, filling up the tub. He laughs and splashes, and cries when it is time to get out of the bath. A little gentleness has gone a long way.

Before I know it, we'll be making bubble mohawks and having dinosaur versus boat races. Then, before I know it, baths will once again become the enemy. In the meantime, I'll enjoy the splashing and laughing.

I Meant Well

The other day, thanks to the glorious Internets, I reached out to a mama whose baby has a very serious heart defect called Shone's Complex. To all outward appearances, little M is a happy, healthy, gorgeous baby boy. His mama shared her experiences with a group on Babycenter, asking for prayers a while back.

To my delight, she posted some recent photos of her little guy, and I sent her a message asking after M and asking if there was any improvement. She did take the time to message me back, and explained that they will see a pediatric cardiologist later this month. M had open heart surgery in October, and at the time his diagnosis was made, the doctors predicted he wouldn't make it through the winter.

All of this breaks my heart. I hate that anyone has to go through it.

Then, I think I put my foot in my mouth. Because, really, what can you say to someone who may only have a few more precious weeks or months with her darling baby? I said something well-meaning, but probably that could have been interpreted as somewhat insensitive. Then, I apologized. Then I wanted to apologize again for my lameness. But then, it would have turned into a whole thing like the scene in Swingers where the guy calls the girl too many times and leaves a bunch of voicemails... Ugh. I just feel lame. But, I know that this mama, who is probably just soaking up all the lovely moments she has with M, is probably used to well-intentioned, but awkward statements. I hope she's giving her little guy as many kisses and hugs as can fit in a day, and forgetting about the strange and awkward things that people who know about her situation must say each and every day.

So, really, all I can offer are extra prayers today, and every day for the babies who need miracles. Scarlett and M, I am thinking about you both.

Three

My husband described the hospital stay as being very much like a private vacation. Everything stopped, we were all together -- three of us, now -- without the interruption of working. It felt like a cocoon, almost. We only had visits from my in-laws, who stayed with us for two months, helping out with our new little guy. Other than that, it was just hospital staff, our pediatrician, meal service.

How I miss the insulation, the protection from daily life. Those days in our suite were like heaven. I find myself wishing for the same solitude, the same time to bond as a family. We are so busy now. Both my husband and I work full-time. X goes to daycare. The moments together are precious and few, as everyday life takes us over.

So, I try to savor the memories of those first few days when it really was just the three of us, feeling safe. Feeling the love with such intensity. Feeling amazed at the life ahead of us, now that we were three.