Who Are You?

Who are you?

I find myself asking this question of X, sadly more frequently on Thursdays and Fridays as the work week keeps me away from him for most of the days between weekends. Spending two, or maybe three hours a day with this baby is just not enough to get to know the little person who is now very much becoming his own little self. Following a routine that has been established by X and his wonderful babysitter is easy on the weekends, but it's sad that I need the babysitter to tell me about my boy's day to day routine and growth.

I want to be the one to make the discoveries about X's preference. I want to figure out with X what works and what doesn't.

I love the babysitter, though. She is wonderful. She takes in four children, and runs a home daycare. Two girls, ages three and two, and another boy, about two weeks older than X. It's a lovely, warm environment and X gets lots of one-on-one attention. I couldn't ask for a better situation.

Still, the question comes. Who are you?

I'm finally starting to feel like X is a separate entity. He expresses his individuality in surprising, funny ways. His temper is quick to flare, like mine, but irritations are quickly forgotten. He is a goofy, funny giggler, like his dad. He loves to snuggle, but he also loves to play and shout! He is gaining more and more skills that will make him yet even more independent as the days and weeks and months pass. I'm so proud of him. He is the sweetest, funniest boy.

I'm also starting to feel like I am myself again -- not always mommy, but a wife and a friend and a sister and an employee and a daughter. Maybe it's spring. Maybe it's all the new independent things of which X is becoming capable. Who knows? I feel different, though. I feel more balanced, and that's a good thing.

And still: Who are you? How will you be different today? It's a question for both of us, for all three of us, thinking now about my husband. How will we continue to grow, as individuals and as a family? Every day, a question.