X and I don't deserve to have you coming home at night crying because of something that happened at your job. X and I don't deserve to see you off in the morning, crying, because you don't want to go to your job. We deserve better than that.
I used to love my job, and there was a time when it was a perfect fit for me. That time has come and gone. I have different priorities now. I have a family that needs me, and needs me to be happy, so we can all be happy together.
Unfortunately, though we can make it short-term without my income, we also need for me to have an income for just a couple more years. I am searching for a job, but also desperately want to stay at home. I'm torn between the two. Can we make enough changes, cut enough fat off of our budget, for me to stay at home? Would having more time to make better decisions about money make it possible? I would get to spend the fleeting baby days with X, and be the first to hear him say his first word, watch him crawl, take his first steps. I would be there with him. I want to be there with him. I would be there for my husband. I could keep my house up the way I want to! I could cook and clean! Be a mother and a wife, without the stress of a job creeping in, taking over my thoughts as I try to BE PRESENT with my family.
My husband and I will keep asking ourselves the questions, keep searching for the answer. My remaining three weeks of employment await.
